King of the Wankers?

All hail the Guitar Wanker, a figure as entrenched in today's Rock and Roll landscape as the Lead Singer. His legacy (unfortunately, due to the oddly phallic aspect of the electric guitar - the term "wanker" is apropos - it's almost always a "he") is both good and evil; His influence can be heard in the most searing, spiritual live performances as well as the most gratingly tuneless Guitar-Center renditions of "Stairway to Heaven." He lurks in the heart of Rock visionary and acne-blasted geek alike. He is the reason Rock music is so vital, and He's also the reason it can be so horrifically self-indulgent. AG has here assembled, in alphabetical order, a list of our 10 favorite of His mortal incarnations, and we request your feedback below (A note: rather than delving deep into Classic Rock, we tried to represent several different rock genres [Another note: Eric Clapton sucks!]). So here are our favorite rock guitarists of all time, who're yours?

Chuck Berry: One of the forefathers of Rock and Roll, Chuck Berry is also one of its greatest guitarists, his guitar style, like his songwriting and vocal performances, bending rockabilly and the blues into the classic sound most people have in their head of "Rock and Roll." You only have to hear two notes of one of his classic intros to know whose guitar you're hearing.

Dick Dale: Dale, whose fiery surf-rock exorcisms you probably know from the "Pulp Fiction" soundtrack, is the father of surf music. Dragging Latin and Middle-Eastern influences through the furiously distorted lens of his turbulent, staccato guitar tone, Dale's instrumentals, in contrast to the beach-pop most people think of when they hear the word "surf," are dark and elemental.

The Edge: Never before has one man done so much with one delay pedal. As much a spokesman for pedals as a guitarist, U2's The Edge (aka Dave Evans) saves his style from being gimmicky by really knowing what he's doing with those pedals. Without the strident, explosive bursts of guitar on classic U2 recordings, would we even recognize, or have loved, those songs?

Jimi Hendrix: Arguably the best rock guitarist ever and certainly the first to achieve massive fame for his technique alone, Hendrix changed everybody's mind about what rock guitar could do. Hendrix's massively distorted blasts of noise were both showy and sincerely, and wrenchingly emotional, a delicate balance very few wankers have been able to achieve since.

Jimmy Page: Page started his career in the Yardbirds, but it was his work with Led Zeppelin that ensured his legacy. With his deafening blues riffs writ large, Page was perhaps the biggest influence on all future generations of heavy metal guitar wankers; with his delicate fingerpicking (see "Stairway"), Page was also perhaps the biggest influence on said wankers when they were trying to be sensitive.

Lou Reed: Though not known primarily for his guitar playing (and, in fact, not even the sole guitarist for the Velvet Underground), punk forefather Lou Reed's influence as a guitar player has been just as pervasive as the influence of his songwriting. An obsessive craftsman of guitar tone, Reed virtually wrote the blueprint for all underground rock to come after, and everything from Sonic Youth's distorted sheets of noise to indie rock's delicate, interweaving guitar lines bear his stamp.

Keith Richards: This Rolling Stone's guitar playing is the point through which all bar bands have to pass on their way to rock glory. The author of countless hooks memorable for their elegant simplicity, Keith Richards is one of the few White guitarists to integrate a genuine understanding of Delta Blues into serious, powerful rock music. Not bad for a walking drunken British corpse.

Pete Townshend: Townshend's windmill guitar strums with The Who are the perfect image to sum up the relish with which Townshend took on the "Guitar God" role. This and other antics, such as smashing guitars, would have just made Townshend seem like a preening faker if he weren't so damn good, both a dramatic guitarist and a subtle songwriter, to get away with it.

Eddie Van Halen: The master of the guiltlessly cheesy wank. Van Halen's technique - breakneck hammers and fret-taps - and his style - showy, hedonistic, poppy, fun - was a virtual blueprint for all pretenders to the Hair-Metal throne who would follow after him.

Neil Young: Where most of the guitarists on this list showcase their polished technique, Neil Young plays like a gorilla with a guitar. Young's monstrously distorted guitar workouts are often brutally primitive, a case in point being an extended solo on "Down By the River" consisting, basically, of a single note. But man, can he play that note.

-Will Robinson Sheff